Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Rain Rain Go Away

He would always stand there in his usual spot at the bus stop.

I will always sit there at my usual seat at the bus stop across. Same time ,Same place he will be there. I don't know why he seems so attractive to me. I just like to look at him, wishing he would look at me too.. Never will it happen. And each day I would just stand there. Each tiny action, each little move captured my attention. I noticed how he's always alone , how smart he carries his sling bag around his shoulder, how cool he lean against the pole... It becaome my daily highlight, hoping to be able to see him again. Even if it is watching from far afar... I feel stupid, silly.

Falling for a guy whom i never talk to, who might not even know my existence, not even knowing his age, his name. I practice day after day what will I do if he comes walking up to me. I would imagine he coming over and say, " Hey I see you everyday. You live near here? Want go for coffee?" It remained a fantasy day after day. He seems so near yet so far. I can only hold my admiration and love for him from afar. He's so perfect to me. I kept my hair long on the assumption that most guys like long hair. Maybe he too... I try to look my best everyday.. however I know I can't deny the fact that I'm just a plain simple girl who gone on dates less than 10 times. 'Maybe it's just puppy love' I told myself each night at the same time bearing hope to see him the next morning.

I remembered it was raining that morning. I rushed out of home without an umbrella and was unable to make across to my usual bus stop due to the pouring rain. While I standing there puffing breaths of white mist into the air, he was there, beside me. In my hurry I never noticed him. My fantasy, my dream guy of so many months is now besides me.. How can I handle this.. Looking desperately for something to do, I try hard to calm myself. In my clumsiness I dropped my purse. Shit! I just disgraced myself in front of him. Now he will think that I'm just a clumsy nerd. To my astonishment, he helped me to pick up the purse and handed it over to me. I just shyly mumbled a thanks, bending my head low and stare hard at the ground.

"Do you live around here?"

Those were the first words he spoke to me and breathed life into the frozen me.. [His name is Ryan and lived around the neighbourhood, a year older than me.] I responded shyly to his questions. Simple 'yes' and no', clutching my hands tightly together. Suddenly there's a long period of slience. He just stood there looking at me. I quickly avoided his eye and sing softly to myself... " Rain rain go away come again another day~"

" Why do you want the rain to go away...?" he asked.

I was confused. His bus had arrived and is leaving. I can only uttered, " Your bus is here..." He turned and said goodbye... And all I can do is silently watched him go away. We talked over the phone for the next few days, exchanging long hours of experenices and thoughts. I realised that we have so much in common. like tha same kind of music, hate to have milk in coffee... etc.... I was like living in a dream, a wonderful one, wishing that I will never have to wake up...

Finally he dated me out. I spent hours chosing the right outfit, putting on make up.. hoping he will like my perfume. When we met at the bus stop, he looked so much handsomer in his pants n shirt... rather than the usual T-shirt n jeans. I thank God for everything... We went to this cosy little pub and went for a stroll along the beach hand in hand. I don't know who reached for whose. But it feels nice to feel his hand holding mine... A light drizzle came and he suggested to sit at the nearby shelther. Sitting close together, I can feel his breathing, his heart beat so near... Looking at the rain I just sing naturally... " Rain rain go away come again another day...~" He turned and looked at me straight in the eye, " Why do you want the rain to go away...?" I was dumbfounded... He gently tilted my chin n kissed me. Hugging me close, he whispered.. " I will be leaving for a while.. but trust me I hate to leave you..." I could not gather enough strength to ask why... just nodded my head... and bathed in that moment of bliss. He was not there at the bus stop the next day, the day after.. I don't know what happened and was afraid to know ... thinking sadly he must have dumped me.. But when I recalled his sad eyes when he sent me home... his gentle face... I know deep in my heart I trust him...

A parcel came for me a month later. I opened it to find a necklace with an angel pendant and a letter from Ryan. With trembling hands I read ...

"Dear Angela.. by the time you received this letter... I might be in heaven by now, watching over you... I'm sorry... never mean to hide the fact that I'm suffering from brain cancer all along... But I'm scared you might leave me... if you know the truth... For months, day after day, I watched you across the bus stop... thinking if you ever see me... You look so beautiful, just like an angel... an angel to brighten up my life.. I know with my condition, I will never be able to be with you for the rest of your life... Hence I never approached you... The day the rain came.. it was like a miracle for me... You're standing besides me, a blushing angel full of life.. while I'm just a dying patient... I gathered courage to talk to you and got to know you. Knowing you was the best thing that ever happen.. I think it's God's last gift to me... for me to know and love you... I don't want the rain to go away... I want to be with you forever... Please don't be sad.. I will always be with you, watching over you... I love you, Angela... now and forever..."

" I love you too , Ryan... I really do...."

Labels: stories

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tEdDi @ |1:24 am|

Love, Chance or Choice

believe it or not, the words below is written by a 19 years old girl who have not completed high school. But i do like one verse in it, "Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen.''

Love, Chance or Choice

When we meet the right person to love when we're at the right place at the right time, that's chance.
When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance.

Being caught up in a moment (and there's a lot of couples who get together because of this) is not a choice. That's also a chance.

The difference is what happens afterwards. When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level?

That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling. If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not a chance. That's choice.

When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice. Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice.

Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make.

Regarding soul mates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so true about this: '' Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen.''

I do believe that soul mates do exist. That there is truly someone made for you. But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do something about it or not. We may meet our soul mates by chance, but loving and staying with our soul mates is still a choice we have to make.

We came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love...
BUT to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly...

Labels: stories

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tEdDi @ |1:24 am|

First Love

All my life, I'm not sure what first love feels like, is it a possesive, demanding love or can be easily forgotten as time goes by. Until one guy taught me what a love meant and realise that I'm deep in love with him and have no courage to let him know.

It started about 1 year ago after I broke up with my boyfriend when I was introduced to this handsome and attractive guy at phone by my friend. I've already felt very comfortable talking with him even that's the first time we talked on the phone. It's like we have known each other for along time, and it's not just me who felt like this, cause he told me that he also felt the same like I do. After 2 times talking on the phone, we agree to meet. There's no special feeling I felt when I first met him, we're just happy to know each other cause we have many things in common. Then, we get more and more closer, we share our secrets, sad stories, happy times, and our love problems. We went every weekend to cinemas, or just to have dinner together. When I was sad, he cheered me up and said that everything will gonna be alright, and whenever I need him, I can be sure that he'll be there for me.

At that time, I felt that I was very lucky to have a wonderful friend like him and know that I care for him too. At one day, after went home from the cinema, he told me that he loved me from the first time we met and wanted me to marry him. I'm very surprised as I haven't thinking of started a new relationship with other guy. I told him that I care for him as he's the best friend I've ever had. "I care about u very much but not in love with u," I said. Then he looked me with a smile and said " it's alright, I understand what's u're going through. I just want u to know what I feel for u, a sincerely love, a love with no demand. I know we can't have all the things we want in life, so I wish u all the love and happiness in this world can be delivered by someone else who will love u much better than me, cause if u're happy, then I will be happy too. When u love someone so dearly, u will want ur loved one to be happy, so I will pray for u and hope u will have the best things in life". I was touched with his words, and hope he will find his dream girl later.

After that, we still went together at weekend, have fun together, and suddenly things got change. As we're busy with our own activities, we seldom go out together again, and he seldom call me again. I miss him a lot, and often wondering what he was doing right now. Is he thinking of me too? Then, I heard from my friend that she saw him with a beautiful girl at a cinema. I didn't know how to act, I felt very weak and sad, but said to my friend that I'm happy for him. I cried at that night, and suddenly I realised that I've been wrong for all this time, not only I care for him, I loved him very much and wanted him back in my life again. This is the first time I have a feeling like this, is it my first love?

I don't know how to say about my feeling for him, I always remember what he said "when u love someone so dearly, u will wanted ur loved one to be happy". Everytime I remember this, it hurts me so much, I kept wondering why am I late to realise how I feel? I want him to be happy, but it also hurt myself to realise that I'm still in love with him until now. If I tell him the truth, would it be matter again? Will I ever get my second change and make him turn to me again? I don't know....

All I can do right now is be happy for him and hope that one day I still have the opportunity to say "I Love U....."

Labels: stories

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tEdDi @ |1:23 am|

All I Can DO Now

one of frens came back and talking to her reminds of some memories. Now i think back, i was just immature, too little boy thinking. And was laughing at myself..

its was rather the 1st orientation i took part in TP [think is acad year 97/98]. boy it was fun. i met a lot of people. On a normal usual day, i set up the Auditorium 1 for the arrival of freshies.. on the lights, set up the mics, prepare the tapes to be shown later, bla bla bla..the subcoms came in , the GLs came in.. all getting ready for the new batch of freshies despite most has been worn out after the earlier batches.. Being the PA has quite a few priviledges..(wahaha~)

Well, being a backstage man means nobody can see you.. or rather it's quite bored sitting alone in the control room.What i did was to screen the entire auditorium seatings or some footage taken earlier on the big screen wif one camera and *grin* go around looking for " chio bu" with other cameras..(wahahhah) You can see gers looking blur blur, playing with their hair, sleeping and the worse, digging their nose.. what i did was just topple the switch and the lucky girl will be on screen with the action they are doing.. you should see their reaction (wahahhah~).. i was looking at the girls coming in with one camera..[hmm... quite a lot of pretty girls hor..] then i saw this lovely girl n trace her till she finds her seats and sat down. ^_^


Orientations has ended, back to normal school life again.. not too normal for me..^_^ I was in yr 2 then.. i never study well and participated actively in my CCA, Production Crew. And i gotten lobang for TP drama club, yesh.. being the production crew for the drama.. whahahah it was fun.. den i saw this particular girl in the cast, let's name her ASL (not age, sex, location but something else) .it took me some time to realise she resemble somebody..she is the lovely girl i trace her with the camera?!?!?! What is she doing here...?? Going to a few rehearsals to sort out the sounds n lights lets me know the cast better and of course ASL too.. she is sweet by nature and if you do see her now.. she probably become a sweet woman..

den one drama committee came telling ," ayy ka jua, got ppl say u quite cute leh when u are reading the script ?" i was like "huh?" Cannot be lah.. like that also can.. but you know what, the word "cute" was spinning in my head.. later then i knew that its ASL who said it.. And actually throughout the whole rehearsal and actual performance i was looking at her.. looking out for her.. but i was only a crew up in the control room.. And at the same time, one of my guy frens who is part of the backstage crew fancy her too..( hah~!) when the whole thing ends, they urge me come down for the finale...i rejected^_^.. anyway. i got to know from tis guy fren, they gave each other a hug when the thing ends.. i was jealous... (.\/.)

The whole entire drama ends it, i thought..NO! this guy fren,D happens to be in my LT too..ME, him, D and another guy, L are abit noisy in LT cos we usually sits together... So throughtout the lessons, D and L was talking about some girls stuff... D got a crush on ASL (argh~) i dunno how they found out in the end that i also had a crush on her too.. D was telling me, " ayy brother, i lether go if you really like her alot" i was like yes, i i liked her alot...

i think of alot stupid ways to get her number, i even ask this drama committee fren, V to help me out. i came up with this excuse ( i can't remember if this is the excuse i used) that i need to borrow some colour paints from her since she is from sch of design.. V call her up and tell her my problems and ASL agreed... she asked me to go to her studio to find her.. i was like WOAH~! YAHOO~! wahaha...Finally i gotten her number... i called her almost everynight ( guys pls, if u are aftering a girl, don't call her everynight, you will irritate/ bored her down) Calling her almost every night and keep just talking about me and my stuff without realising that it actually jeopadise the friendship we had. [ precise] She used to comment on my words like when i said precise. She will say no, precisely. And again and again..

but i wonder now why i didn't ask ASL out since i liked her. i have no answer for that even today..

Little that i knew that she had a crush on another guy which was her senior whom i also knew of.. And after some time, while i was waiting for her in her studio.. i was like going to send her home when she said call her tonight.. i wondered why.. the conversation on the phone was a bit tense and Cupid wasn't on my side... She is already with her senior.. " both of us are too active, we can't be together.." my world just collapsed and shattered.. the sun that used to shower her rays on my world also dimmed n vanished <-- nobody can understand that kind of feeling, not even myself at that point of time It took me a while to forget about her.. it wasn't really forgetting about her, even now i am still concerned about her...

she and her bf broke up.. it was still in the year 1999.. the same year before millenium.. the same year when the Leonid meteor shower came too..[the next meteor shower is in 33 years time counting from 1999] i was helping out in TP for crowd control.. I remembered i kept staring at sch of design block.. thinking that she might be doing her projects late again.. the studio which she was in is dark.. ( if i didn't remember wrongly) she was with her friends at sentosa waiting for the celestial event to arrive... i was in TP...waiting..hoping to view the event thinking that though we are not together but we're looking at the same thing now.... But the clouds seems to have a problem with me... a blanket of them came when the time is suppose to be the best time... Argh~ i managed to catch about 4-6 of the shooting stars.. time to sleep after that...

Then we occasionally met each other in school.. it was after then.. i felt that i have no strength to like anyone else anymore... i couldn't blame her but myself.. its was partially why i have a "don't care " attitude in my 3rd year.. *sigh* but all are bygones... who knows, we might be together in the future.. All i can do now is pray that she is in her well-being, healthy, able to do the things she wants and be happy.. for she is a girl i liked before...

Labels: stories

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tEdDi @ |1:22 am|

1.2.3.4, Which One Are You?

searching for love is the part of the life process , every process would found 4 persons,
The 1st person is you,
the 2nd person is you loved most.
the 3rd person is the one who loved you most.
the 4th person is the one you gonna spend your whole life with.

Firstly you will meet the person you loved most and felt loved.

because you you understand what love is, you will find the person who loved you most,
When you went thru loved and being loved, you know what you want.
and eventually you found the person you can spend the rest of your life with,
Sad to say, reality is merciless. the 3 persons you met usually wasn't the same person.

the person you loved most did not choose you,
the person that loved you most is not the person you loved either.
the person you who spend his/ her life with you is neither loved you most nor you loved;
he/ she just happened to be at the right place at the right time.

Ever wonder which place are you in other's life?
How many have you found? who have you met? or ...who met you?

Labels: stories

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tEdDi @ |1:21 am|

It's All Started With A Train Ride

It was just before the O level examinations when I first saw you on the west-bound MRT train, you looking so handsome and charming in the pale blue college uniform. I was instantly entranced by the sight and couldn't take my eyes of you...

However, all I could do then was to absorb as much detail about you as I can,your smart face, your name written on the gold-coloured name tag and the position you hold in the school council. At that time, I made up my mind to put that particular college you are in as my first choice regardless of my grade and the distance between the school and my house in the east.

As expected, I was posted to the college you are in, famous for its chiobus. I was afraid, lost and felt alone in the midst of all the students who seemed to have their own companies from their previous school. I, however, was completely alone as your college is not popular among the students from my secondary school, who chose more popular colleges located in the east. However, I persevered and managed to make some new friends. The day passed quickly as there are many administrative work to be done.

On the second day, we were told of our classes and each class were allocated 2 orientation group leaders. I caught sight of you holding a signboard with a class number and I prayed and hoped that you would be my OGL. I was elated when the announcer called out my name and I found you standing in front of the hall with the class number. I really thank God for answering my prayer. Another booster was when you told us that you are our direct senior and we could always ask you questions regarding school work.

When you were introducing yourself to the class and telling us more about the school, I can't help having a silly grin plastered on my face. I felt really stupid when you asked me why I kept smiling and obviously I can't tell you it's because I'm too happy Lady Luck's with me. However, you told me later on that it was because of my silly smile that made talking to the class and me easier. I was glad that I had that smile on the particular occasion.

The Orientation Week was filled with joy and laughter, not only was it because I had a really great class but also because you were part of it. However, all good things come to an end and I saw you less and less after the Orientation Week was over.

During this time, I especially look forward to Wednesdays when I could see you and spend time with you during ECA. We have grown closer to each other by now for you to talk easily to me and to greet me while passing by each other at corridors. I was over the sky everytime these occasions arose.

Then it was time for the Orientation Camp. Once again, I was praying that God would be good and I would be distributed to the group you are in charge of and once again, my prayers were answered. I remembered you saying, "very unlucky hor? stuck with me again." I just smiled as I feel completely the opposite.

During this camp, I have the priviliege to get to know you even better and found out that you have a handsome heart atop of your handsome looks. Your caring and outgoing personality result in girls enveloping you like bee to honey. I am just a mere plain Jane among these girls.

On the last night of the camp, a friend and I managed to get your attention and we talked for more than an hour. We exchanged views about love, shared our problems etc. It was a really wonderful time and we were watched by the envious girls in the area.=) It is unfortunate that we cannot continue our discussions as the night curfew neared.

The camp brought me many fond memories, the exchanging and writing of notes to each other, the jokes we shared, the gawky laugh you have, the lovely times when we all joined hands to sing the theme song and of course when the building up of friendships by shaking hands, smiling and hugging.

After the camp, life went back as to per normal but we still kept writing encouragement notes to each other. It may no longer be so often but I was contented.

Soon after, I had to leave the school as I had made prior plans and was very disappointed when you could not attend my farewell party nor see me off at the airport. However, you said that we shall be friends forever and promised to keep in touch. I had to be contented with this arrangement... but I'm not sure if you really meant what you said.

I contacted you as soon as condition permits but did not receive a reply from you for a long time. This happened often, no matter if the letter is written in the form of email or snail mail. However, I still count myself lucky that you bother to reply even though it may be quite some time.

I am not hoping for much now, just a sincere and lasting friendship from you and I hope my wish will come true. Thank you for all the unforgetable time you introduced into my life, which all started on a train ride....

Labels: stories

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tEdDi @ |1:21 am|

Touching Story

"TOUCHING STORY..
My husband was an engineer. Since I met him, he was always an unflappable rock in my life. I knew he always had his feet firmly planted on the ground, and it seemed that no matter what else went crazy, he would be the one constant.

3 years of romance, and 2 years of marriage later, I got tired. He was the most unromantic man I know. He never bought me flowers, he never surprised me, and nothing changed in our marriage. After some time, I finally found the courage to tell him that I wanted to leave him. He just sat there, speechless. My heart froze... what kind of man was I married to that didn't even know what to say to make me stay? After a while, he spoke, "What can I do to change your mind?". "I will stay if you can give me a good answer to this question," I replied coldly. "If I asked for a flower that grew on a cliff and you knew that getting it for me means certain death, would you get it for me?" His face grew troubled "Can I give you an answer tomorrow morning?" he asked. Hearing that kind of answer, my heart died. I knew that I could never be happy with a man who couldn't even give me an answer straight away. The next morning, when I woke up, he was missing. In the living room, under a warm glass of milk, was a note. My eyes grew misty as I read it...

"Dear, I have my answer. I will never pick the flower for you if it meant certain death. But before you leave, I hope you can give me a chance to give you my reasons.... You will always sit in front of the computer and type about for the

whole day, but every time you will end up in tears cause your formatting will always go all over the place... I need my fingers, to do the formatting for you, so your tears will become smiles. You like to travel, but would always get lost... I need my eyes, so that I can bring you to the nicest places on earth. Every time you leave the house, you would always forget your keys... I need my legs, so that I can run home to open the door for you. You never knew how to take care of yourself... I need my hands to help you get rid of the pesky white hair you hate so much when you grow old, to

trim your nails, to feed you. So you see, that's why I can't pick the flower for you. Until I find someone who loves you more than I do, I will need my body to take care of you. If you accept my reasons, then open the door, where I will be waiting with your favorite muffin."

With tears streaming from my eyes, I opened the door, and there he stood, with a extremely worried look on his face. He still had nothing to say, but just stood there waving the packet he had in his hand in front of me. And then I knew for a fact that I will never find another man who will ever love me as much as he does. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have........... "

Labels: stories

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tEdDi @ |1:20 am|

True Love Story

quoted from mei:

I took a deep breath. Was I seeing things? How could he betrayed me.......?

Life became coloured when I got to know Gary. Things were simple, he had finished his national service and we were in the same course in 'U' we studied and the friends we both knew introduced him to me. Although he might not be a dashing guy who would sweep your feet off, he just had that warming smile everytime he saw me. Really, things were simple, going out for dates, little hugs and kisses every now and then, talks over any topic around the world, and I'm attracted to that goofy smile.....

Things were fine in the beginning, we graduated and he got a job at XX Bank. as an finance executive, whereas,as I wanted to try something different in my life, I got a job as a operations executive at a hotel, which is far from what I've studied. Perhaps we were in a different industry, things got slowed down between us. No longer talks about anything but figures, figures, figures. He talked about his colleagues to me, grumbling why he was not credited when he helped the bank to earn so much, how much clients he had attracted and things were just not the same anymore. I didn't even remember that familiar smile on his face. Unknowingly at times, I started staring at his face blankly, thinking where had that smile gone too. He shook me up, asking me if I was ok. I woke up, and said nothing. Perhaps with this gap, we had drifted somehow. No longer this is called a relationship, it was a routine, yet not a promising one.

To make things worse, before that problem surfaced, my father had contracted throat cancer. We were not a rich family, and the whole family would have to depend on me for the medical treatments. I did not want to approach anyone, I did not even let Gary know about this. Times I had rejected him to go out for dates as I took up part time jobs. He was confused, and that even drifted us more. I understood I should tell him, but I did not want him to worry too much.

To one point of time, we stopped seeing each other. We only met once in a month, and my father's medical bills were pilling, I couldn't almost cope. I was working very hard and I almost broke down psychologically. Finally one day, when I was at my part-time work place, I almost stopped breathing. It was Gary, with another girl's hand around his arm, talking to a guy friend. I was confused. I did not know how to react. I just frooze there. To a point of time, when I saw that guy friend went off, I woke up. I could not be bother with the job anymore, took my bag, and stormed to that man who had that shock face I had never seen. He betrayed me.

I slapped him, without a word, I stormed off. I did not know what to say. I just hailed a taxi and reached home. I felt hot on my face. I didn't know what to think, or rather, I didn't want to think anymore. When I had reached home, I walked into my room. I felt hot on my face, and that was when I felt hot tears were streaming down my cheeks. I broke down quietly. I didn't know how long was I in the room, but all I could hear was the ringing of my handphone.

"Mei, this is Mum, can I come in?",I heard my mum said. I opened the door, and little I expected was Gary. I tried pushing back the door, but I was too weak to do anything and I fell down. He quickly helped me up, but i tried pushing him away. The door was closed and I wanted to scream at him. I really wanted, but no words came out of my mouth.

"Mei, you've mistaken. Please, listen to me, I didn't do whatever you've saw. It was a misunderstanding. Trust me. That girl was Rachel, our classmate, remember? I was dining with her with a business contract, when later that guy appeared. Rachel just slipped her hands around me and told that guy I was her boyfriend. I was shocked initially, and decided to ask her why she did that after that guy left. After that slap, she told me she was getting back at that guy, who was her current boyfriend, but as he's married and she was not told, she wanted to get back to her. Little she expect you were there."

"Mei, I don't know if you trust me. But I really can't bear to make you sad, it hurts me very deeply. I know there are some difficulties in your family, and that is why I was on business just now." At this point of time, Gary shoved an evenlope to me. " Although you may not tell me, but I have already knew what happen. Please Mei, don't be mad."

Tears kept rolling down the once familiar face I've remembered. Gary was crying. I couldn't believe it. I finally see the old Gary I know, who talks to me like we used to. No longer that proud man I felt I was with. I opened the evenlope. It was a cheque of $15,000. Later I got to know he already knew about my father's condition long ago, but he did not say anything but worked doubly hard. When times I rejected him to go out, he started work real hard and saved up the money for me.

I finally broke down. Broke down that wall between us. While hugging him, I came to an conclusion: I should have known better to let him know earlier. A couple needed to communicate to maintain a relationship. I don't know how long I can live, but so long I have that mouth of breath, I'll still love him. And that goofy smile of his

Labels: stories

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tEdDi @ |1:19 am|